Nicholson Baker

“I need more confidence from you first.  I need to be charged up by a stream of confidences flowing from you to me.’”


“‘I want you to know, by the way, that I am not one of those sad individuals who hang out at the frozen chicken section of the supermarket where it’s extra cold just to see women’s nipples get hard.’”


“Sexual Dyslexia.”


About a necklace: “”For a fiancee or something?  What’s her complexion, dark or light?” And Forkman vagues out, saying, “I don’t really know who it’s for.”


“‘There’s the thing,” he said. “If you find it mildly arousing because I found it exceedingly arousing, then I have to cancel my strong arousal and replace it with mild arousal, since the degree of your arousal is the primary source of my arousal.  And then, the problem is, you’ll find it infinitesimally arousing and I’ll then have to discard it as a total turnoff.  That’s the problem.’”


“‘…so that my skin was all confused and very aware of itself…’”


“”Vox”-Nicholson Baker


“I would, though, like to rescue the correspondence between pubic hair and narrow black-leather bicycle seats from them.”


“But she wasn’t my lover, and lovers are the only people who will put up with hearing your dreams.”


“I cut an unpeeled avocado in half one Sunday, along its poles, and pulled it apart so that one half held the blunt slimy seed. Though not a devotee of food-sex mixtures as a general rule (not whipped cream, not peanut butter, not champagne), I do think avocado flesh is so extremely similar in its slippery bland softness to the labial rheology that it makes sense for a woman to cup half of one in her hand and press it against herself so that the big nub of the seed noses at her natcho.  Rhody seemed to like it, and was gung-ho, too- but while I was testing out our new guacamole recipe I had the further idea of cutting a small hole in the avocado skin and stuffing Rhody’s electric toothbrush at an angle into the fresh flesh so that the brush head was buried somewhere near the seed.”


“…and from there into fully realized frigments of my invagination,”


“What else was there in the world beside masturbation?  Nothing.”


“I was dying with visual happiness.”




“It surprises me, incidently, that nobody has launched a men’s magazine called O-Shots, devoted exclusively to close-up photographs of women’s faces in the midst of orgasm.”


“…my curiosity has more love and tolerance in it than other men’s does.”


“…ounce after ounce of boiling scream-cream…”


“She really attracts me.  That’s not surprising- it is much more surprising when a woman fails to attract me than when she does attract me.”


Ability to masturbate with both hands: “ambidickstrously”


“Her mouth was the best thing my mouth had felt in quite a while.  I guess I had simply forgotten that there is no satisfactory autoerotic substitute for a kiss.”

?”The Fermata”-Nicholson Baker